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Varitek Curse Found

We at the ever-popular Boston Red Sox blog have taken it upon ourselves to find out what is ailing Jason Varitek. We have seen slumps from him before, but this one has been an riddle wrapped inside an enigma, inside of a paradox.

We have traveled near and far. Gone places many would not think of going. Sacrificed our bodies for any nugget of information to this curse. We are glad to say that we are safely back in our offices and - we have unearthed the cruel beast that has stricken Varitek with the inability to move the bat from his shoulders. We now know the reason he swings widely; almost purposely missing the ball as if someone has taken away his sight.

Ladies and Gentlemen we will allow the evidence to speak for itself.

Now I am not one to attack youngins’ but listen you little long-haired freak - you voodoo practitioner - give us back Varitek! Allow him to bend his arms at the elbows. Free his arms! For all that is holy - give the man back his eyes. You are raping him of his livelihood.

I demand from you, the very doll you have used to strike our All-Star catcher. If you have a heart inside that miniature cauldron of evil you call a body I request you contact us and send us that LEGO doll now. We will carefully defuse the curse and free Jason Varitek of this horrid curse.

If you choose to ignore this, I offer you this small piece of advice. Cut your hair. You will want to make sure you have good peripheral vision when I sneak up behind you.

7 Responses to “Varitek Curse Found”

  • Matt H-C

    July 9th, 2008 at 10:03 pm

    Hahaha, if that’s the cause of Tek’s curse, I am worried. No, not for Tek, for the curse WILL be broken. I am worried about the little boy whose soul will also inevitably be broken when you (or I) steal the doll from him and he realizes that he is the cause for the downfall of one of his favorite players.

    Also, the embedded video wasn’t working here, but here’s the direct url:

  • admin

    July 10th, 2008 at 8:06 am

    @ Matt - we actually spoke with the kid who made it. He said he no longer has it built, that he dismantled it recently. It was great talking to him though - a great kid.

    Also, not sure why the video wasn’t showing up for you. We tested it on a few computers and it seemed to work fine. Thanks for the heads up though.

  • Spencer

    July 10th, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    I know this kid and he dose not have that same doll but he has one like it. He is my best friend

  • admin

    July 10th, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    @Spencer — the plot thickens. Is it a Varitek “doll”?

  • Matt H-C

    July 14th, 2008 at 11:18 am

    Hey! Just wanted to let you guys know that I received my DVDs today! I just popped in the game from ‘67 and plan on enjoying my afternoon watching it. Thanks again and I look forward to your next post!

  • Boston Knucklehead

    July 25th, 2008 at 4:17 am

    Let us know when you find out because we don’t know either

  • admin

    July 25th, 2008 at 8:05 am

    @Boston Knucklehead - Thanks for stopping by. Just ran into your site - looks good. We may hit you up for a little collab.


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